She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My first STD was from a foam party
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
