The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
