Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
