dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The power of my boobs compel you
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
