sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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