I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
