Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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