The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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