Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
