And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize