I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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