I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize