No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
