Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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