Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
