it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
