It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
