Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
