We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
