paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
