Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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