I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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