forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
