So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
