This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
