Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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