I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's rum buckets o'clock
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
