I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
