i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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