dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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