Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
