How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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