We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
