I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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