it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
