I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
this must be what syphilis tastes like
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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