I'm gonna have a badass scar
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i think my cat just said my name.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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