Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need to sanitize my soul.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
