yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think I won the penis lottery.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
