We won't sleep together?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
