I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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