the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize