i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
