it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
