It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
