I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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