Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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