She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
