This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
