Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Me too!
I bet he comes in French.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
