i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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