His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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