i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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