i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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