Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
