Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
