Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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