i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
