whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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