dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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