When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
