I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
