hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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