so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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