if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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