Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
