so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
