i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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