Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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