if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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