chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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