you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
