so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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